Perfect 10 Weddings

Friday, June 21, 2013

Do you know what causes couples the most stress a week before the wedding?

Couples use up a lot of energy and resources just to mount their weddings. Planning for several months, revising the programme just so guests will enjoy, going through several food tasting sessions and a hunt for useful souvenirs just so guests will feel going to the wedding would be worth their time -- the list is endless. 

However, do you know what has caused many a bride and groom to be stressed a few days before their march down the aisle? (Assuming all their suppliers are ok and everything is on schedule...)

Answer: the responses/lack of response of some guests

How do some guests cause stress? Let me count the ways: 

a) the guest who doesn't RSVP on his/her own
b) the guest who doesn't respond even if he/she has received several messages pertaining to the wedding
c) the guest who picks up when called and responds with, "I'm not sure, eh"
d) the guest who tells the bride and groom, "I will try my best ha"
e) the guest who insists on bringing the new boyfriend/girlfriend
f) the guest who insists on bringing all of his/her kids to the reception (bata pa naman yun, 10 years old lang
g) the guest who threatens not to go because his/her whole family was not invited
h) the guest who tells the bride and groom, "Hindi na ako pupunta, ang arte naman, may dress code pa"
i) the guest who tells the bride and groom "kami lang sa table ha, dapat walang ibang tao" (but there are only 7 of them, so how about the other three seats?) 

To these guests, I say: imagine spending anywhere between XXX,XXX to XX,XXX,XXX for your celebration, and imagine how you would feel if your chosen guest said, "I'm not sure, "bahala na", or "hahabol kami". 

The problem here is not just the money spent but also the REALIZATION that the bride and groom considered the guest special, but the guest doesn't consider them special enough to give a real, polite response. It would be better to tell the bride and groom that you can't go and you really regret it, rather than tell them "I'm not sure". 

If you tell them you can't go, at least you are not causing problems while they are fixing their final guest list with table numbers. If you say you're not sure, "pinapaasa mo sila"; thus, they will take great pains to include you in the guest list -- even resorting to paying for your seat and your meal, only to find out you weren't really planning on going anyway.

For me the guest who sends an SMS on the day informing the bride and groom of his/her absence is a gray area. On one hand, it's good for the coordinators because they now know of an extra seat -- especially if there are hardly any extra seats for those who aren't in the guest list. On the other hand, it can be a downer to the bride and groom when they receive such messages before walking down the aisle. Perhaps, it would be better to send such notes to the coordinator instead of the couple. 

Those who bring kids have to remember that, kids of a certain age, I believe 7 and above, are counted as adults. Younger kids are counted at half count or need kiddie meals so as not to be considered as additional heads. That means when you request for added seats for your kids and your yayas, you must note that you're asking the bride and groom to spend more. 

So to all reception guests, here are a few reminders: 

P.S. The points raised here are all based on past experiences as coordinator. This article was written to be of assistance to couples who get stressed while encoding the final guest list. As one friend of mine put it, "You can't say the guest list is not a problem until you're on your final week prior to your own wedding". (This was her response to a groom who said the guest list is not a problem. Well, when he said it, he was still months away from his big day. So yeah, he couldn't have known better... ;-) 


  1. And the worst part is, sila pa yung galit if they don't find their names sa guest list. Kasalanan naman nila na hindi nag RSVP or nag RSVP nasa church na.

  2. In my wedding, when a guest said he/she is not sure, I list them as not going. I asked my caterer to set a table for people who will show up even if I did not list them on the my list. I did not add any plates, the food for them are the buffer. True to my prediction, these guests did not come so my stand by table remained empty. It is very hurtful when guests you invited didn't even bother to arrange their schedules for you even if you have told them of the wedding months before.

  3. I couldn't agree more :) Thanks for this article!

  4. Ms. Darlene, I included in our wedsite the reminders for the reception guests :)

  5. Hi Ms. Darlene :)
    sooo true!
    thankyou for this :)
    I'll note this in our wedsite :)

  6. Hi Ms. Darlene! Is it ok to include these reminders in my wedsite? Thank you! :)

    1. Kindly insert po the link to my site ha... Thank you :)

    2. Yes, of course, I will! Thanks Ms. Darlene! :)

    3. Thank you :) hope to be able to view your wedsite as well :)